hey, are you my mom?

Due to recent events, I got the need of expressing myself and it doesn´t matter if it is through the internet or talking to someone...whatever...I need to get this thing that is bothering me out!

Well, yesterday I went to the mall to buy some christmas gifts( no comment on me being jewish...that issue is for another post...a big one!). When I got into the second store, I started looking for something on the womens session, then I rapidly looked to a woman and turn again to the clothes...but there was something about that woman. I looked again shoked...que looked just like my mom!!! The resemblance was amazing...really disturbing especially when you dream of your mom every night, and sometimes pray to God to let you see her one last time.
At that time, my heart stoped, my brain stoped too...I couldn´t think...It was too much to me to even imagine that that could be my mother. After a minute staring at her my mind started working againg. The woman was looking as if she was going to ask if everything was ok or if I wanned anything from her, but I was so shoked that I coudnt help being there...staring and remembering what my mom was like.
Maybe that was God answering my prayers. I know he can´t bring her back just for me to say goodbye...and maybe I dont even what this, I cant imagie my reaction if I see her again...I´d probably just cry, and the goodbye would ever be said. But maybe through that "look alike" He showed me that she is with me, as much as Him, and I can always see her and talk to her in my dreams.
I guess this doesnt get any better. Maybe someday the pain will be lighter and the path will be clearer...but these days it doesn seem like it.
I dont know why, maybe its the holidays coming and the fear that my superstition is right (about every year to come suck when I don´t spend it whith my family, and when I say suck I mean, someone I love always leaves me), but about that, this year I will pass with my family...the one that adopted me when I most needed.
I just miss her, you know. And the worst is to revive every second we didnt spend together because I was doing something else, or the many times I said something ugly that made her cry...that is the worst. After that comes passing in front of my house, no one understands how that hurts. I´d rather be stabbed than get into my house alone...all the memories on the floor, the smell, all of our dream lost on that tuesday...

But lets be fair, besides the crazy missing thing the family that You got me couldnt be better. Thank you.